Getting therapy in the new year?

A lot of people start the new year by saying that they need to talk to a therapist. This is a great idea because your therapist can help you work on things that you want to change in the new year, work through pain in the past years, and of course be a sounding board for your new plans and ideas.

I wanted to give you some assistance today in starting to find a therapist. Here are some things to remember:

1. If you have a therapist and you would like a new one, tell your old one NOW:

Be prepared to answer questions like "what did you like about therapy?" and "what didn't you like about therapy?" It is your choice to answer or not but remember, it may help the therapist to make changes for future clients if you are open about your discontent. Either way, they need to know you are moving on so that they can not call you to check in or send you materials. You will also need to tell them for the next step.

2. Get your records from any previous therapists:

These records are things you are entitled to, however, sometimes they are not helpful if the therapist does not take thorough notes. These can aide your new therapist in finding areas that you had issues with as well as helping them to gain a fuller picture of you as a client. If you would like to just hold on to these, that is okay too.

3. Prepare yourself for telling your story ENTIRELY:

As therapists, we do something called an intake that can take a whole lot out of you if you have a painful past. We ask things about your family of origin, your current family, your social relationships, your romantic relationships, your physical health history, your mental health history, your families mental health history, and the list goes on according to the therapist. This is not just to probe into your history and make you feel uncomfortable. This is for us to get a thorough clinical picture. You would be surprised how many physical diseases can cause or lead to depression so it is important for us to know history in order to rule out things and give you proper care and referrals.

4. Approach therapy with a fresh perspective:

Many people have heard about therapy from others or even had bad therapists themselves. Go into your therapy setting with an open mind and work collaboratively with your therapist. This is your money, your time, and your life. Get what you want out of therapy!

5. Treat it like an interview:

You do not have to pick the first therapist you call. You can meet with therapists in a consultation and see if you feel comfortable sharing with them and feel comfortable with the environment, gender, ethnicity, age, etc... There are many factors to everyone's choice of therapist but the overall thing to do is treat it like a job interview. You are paying this person a great deal of money (sometimes) to do this so it's fair that you feel comfortable and safe with them

Have a lovely New Years Eve!!! Join me tomorrow on January 1, 2011 to begin our series on CHANGES!

Just a clip

This was one of those movies where I thought, "Now, that's pretty much how it goes" with meeting in laws, people talking behind your back, etc...here is a clip for your day!

Another Family Quote

I found this quote and loved it and thought I would pass it on to you!

Family quarrels have a total bitterness unmatched by others. Yet it sometimes happens that they also have a kind of tang, a pleasantness beneath the unpleasantness, based on the tacit understanding that this is not for keeps; that any limb you climb out on will still be there later for you to climb back.
-- Mignon McLaughlin

Buy the book

I have another family book recommendation for you all. This is on the topic of Birth Order and explains how your birth order affects your personality, relationships, marriages, parenting, etc...

Here is Amazon's write up:

Product Description

Dr. Kevin Leman's ever-popular book on birth order is getting a new look and updated writing. With insight and wit, Dr. Leman offers readers a fascinating and often funny look at how birth order affects personality, marriage and relationships, parenting style, career, and children. Birth order powerfully influences the way people interact with others, whether they're at home or on the job. This is a great book for anyone who wants to learn more about how they react to their world. Dr. Leman even shows readers how to overcome ingrained tendencies they never thought they'd be rid of, all by focusing on their birth order.

From the Publisher

Your birth order -- whether you were born first (or are an only child,) or second, in your family -- powerfully influences what kind of person you are, who you marry, the job you choose. Now you can discover: How to pick out the first born in any group. Why the baby in the family gets away with everything. How to help middle children feel less squeezed and more loved. Ways to overcome your worst inborn tendencies. Which career suits you best. How to make the perfect marriage match and much, much more... You've seen him on television and heard him on the radio. Now internationally known psychologist Kevin Leman reveals an exciting new way to better understand yourself and those you love.

"Forget astrology. The fresh, new karmic aid for picking friends and lovers is birth order... a funny, and sometimes not so funny, look at the effect siblings, or the lack of them, have in shaping a person." -- Chicago Sun-Times --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

The Book retails for $10.87 and I think it's interesting enough for every penny! I hope you have a great day!

Resolving to Change

I wonder if you all are thinking about resolutions and changes the way I am today?! I think most of us like to start a new year thinking about making positive changes in our lives and relationships. Our January theme on the blog is going to be CHANGES for that reason. We are going to talk about breaking bad habits, setting better boundaries, making positive changes in our relationships, and overall just being better people.

Today, I decided to do a post about goal setting and new years resolutions in order to get you engaged for January. Here are Erica's goal setting and new years resolution tips:

1. Ask yourself a few questions.

This is my first tip because there are some questions that you need to ask yourself before choosing any resolution. Here they are:

• Is it realistic?

If your goal is to lose 200 lbs by next year..not realistic and not safe, however, if your goal is to lose 4-6 lbs per month, that is realistic.

• Is it achievable?

If you have not even applied for college, there is no way you can graduate with a BA by next year. Think about what is achievable and go for that. In this case, maybe it is being accepted into college and choosing a major.

• Why do you want to make the change?

There a lot of reasons to change something. There is change just for the sake of change. There is change that is for your children. There is change for someone you are dating. There is change for better mental or physical health and a million other options. Knowing why you are changing this particular thing may help you choose the best resolution(s)

• Will it improve your life?

Obviously the answer to this should be yes or you are choosing the wrong resolution. If you want positive change in your life, you have to choose things that will improve your life and will not cause more pain or more discouragement. A great example is making a goal of buying a new car when you are already in debt by several thousands. This might improve your immediate driving circumstances but will probably add stress to your life.

2. Create a plan

This is imperative when making resolutions because the difference between success and failure is always a plan. A great example is if you want to try to organize your home in 2011, make a list of projects that need to be completed and around how much time each project will take. Let's see you have piles of paperwork to go through and shred and file. You should make a plan to spend a certain amount of time each day going through the papers so that your goal can be completed in a reasonable amount of time. Overwhelming yourself with giant projects and not breaking them down will only lead to them being a part of 2012's resolutions.

3. Reward yourself along the way

My best advice for any lasting change is to make sure and give yourself rewards as incentives. A great example is if you would like to lose weight and you make a goal of losing 2 lbs per week, you could give yourself a small gift of reward (non food related) for those 2 lbs being lost. Maybe you love lip gloss, give yourself a new lip gloss or pair of shoes when you lose a certain amount. Make short term and long term goals and rewards. Make the longer term rewards better!

4. Change for good

A lot of times people will make a resolution and change things only to go back to doing them again. If you make a resolution to change something negative in your life or to include something more positive in your life, consider doing it slowly and consistently. That is where true change occurs. A great example is wanting to stop speeding especially when your children are in the car. You can obviously see why this is a great change to make, however, it is easier said than done. Take it one car trip at a time and you will more likely stop that behavior than if you try to cut out all speeding and never stop to look at your changes. Always recognize a great change.

5. Visualize success

This may sound a bit cheesy to some of you but visualizing yourself changing this behavior or making your resolutions come true is a great way to have it happen.

Here is a full example of a new years resolution using my tips so that you can follow along:

Jackie would like to start exercising more in 2011. She is of average weight but finds herself getting very fatigued after a day of work and often spends her evenings sitting on the couch watching TV. When her friends ask her to do something active she opts out because she is afraid she will grow quickly tired and be difficult to deal with. She really wants to get in better shape by 2012 and has decided to make that her New Years Resolution.

Step 1: Jackie asks herself the important questions:

A. Is it realistic? Yes. There is no problem with Jackie's resolution. So far it is vague and doesn't insist upon too much.

B. Is it achievable: Yes. A lot of people get in great shape in way less than a year so this is reasonable request on her part.

C. Why do you want to make the change? Jackie wants to change this for her overall health and even her social life. She wants to be able to do active thing with her friends, have more energy and increase her life span. GREAT REASONS

D. Will it improve your life? Yes, Jackie will be able to do activities with her friends, will have more energy for her job and life, and will most likely add a few years of life and possibly eliminate risk of illness as well. This will very much improve her life.

2. Create a Plan:

Using Jackie's goal, her plan should be reasonable since she does not exercise at all right now. First she will start off by adding activity into her day gradually. This may mean she signs up for an exercise class or gets a gym membership. She also may start walking on her lunch break with friends or start some sort of walking group. She can also just make herself an appointment each day for 30 minutes of exercise. After she is in better shape, she may take up a sport or specific exercise and try to train more specifically. At first, the key is start small.

3. Reward yourself along the way:

Jackie has decided that 30 minutes of moderate exercise per day is her first goal and she wants to do that for a week. After the week is over, Jackie is going to get a manicure if she has completed each day's activities. She has also made a long term goal of a month (30 minutes per day). Jackie has been reasonable and decided that if she exercises for 30 minutes per day for at least 20 days of the month, she will buy herself a new piece of clothing. Having reasonable goals and rewards is always nice because you may set yourself up for failure if not.

4. Change for Good:

Jackie has decided in order to stick with her plan, she will get a support group of people who exercise regularly to check up on her and encourage her. She has also decided to begin scheduling more active type outings with her friends for other opportunities to exercise. She has also added eating better to her life to fuel her for the coming work outs. Overall, Jackie's chances for success are huge!

What do you want to work on in 2011?

Stress free?

I wanted to share an awesome link with you from Prevention magazine. This is sort of late coming in December but I thought you might be able to use a few of the ideas!

Here is 31 days of Happy Healthy Holidays!.

Enjoy

Merry Christmas

Since today (Christmas Eve) and Tomorrow are family days, I will not be blogging. Have a wonderful Christmas and See you back on the 26th!

Love from my family to yours!

--Erica