Family Friday 6/2/2010

Did you know that the average marriage in America lasts only 7 years and 75% of people remarry. That means if there are children in these families, these children end up in a step family. I thought I would take a few Family Fridays to discuss Step families and some of the things that people do not consider when joining families and some of the myths that keep families stuck and unable to move forward in the quest to be a family.

The first myth I think is the most important to realize for people considering remarriage. There is a myth out there that tells you "If I love you, I will love your child."

This is JUST NOT SO. Often times, children are on their best behavior when their mother or father is dating and then when the marriage takes place, many changes also take place. The child may begin to act out or pull away as soon as the family moves in together. Many children feel a need to pull away as soon as the step-parent starts to love them more. There is far more to lose for a child if they are attached to the new "parent." Love can and most likely will happen but just like any other relationship, it is not instant and no child or adult should be expected to feel this instantly and acting as if they should, could simply cause the opposite effect in your family.

Tip: Give your children and your partner time to acquaint and build a friendship before they are expected to respect that person as a parent and be very clear on your intentions to marry and allow your children adequate room to express discontent and frustration with the union.

Have a lovely family Friday!