Wedded Wednesday 7/21/2010

Today I want to give you an idea to make your marriage more relaxing, happy, and less strenuous. Often times in our marriages we fight really dirty. We call names, bring up the past, and speak harshly. These do irreparable damage sometimes so I think that today the best thing to show you how to do is build a "fighting rules" document for your marriage.

Meet with your spouse when you are NOT mad at each other. Get out a piece of paper and start to talk about how your fights go. When you argue/disagree what are the things that really cause the fight to escalate and cause damage?

In my house, it was bringing up the past, raising voices, and saying things about the other's weaknesses.

In marriage, we know each other best so it is easiest to hurt each other.

My advice is make a document with 10 or so rules that you must obey while disagreeing or having conflict. This will help you both adhere to a standard that supports love and not divorce.

A great example:

1. Always sit down and face each other when disagreeing, noone Lords over the other or walks out.

2. Do not mention divorce or splitting up

3. Do not call names or exchange profanity.

4. Past fights are not welcome in this fight

5. It is not appropriate to roll eyes, cross arms, or sigh when another person is speaking

6. Do not interrupt

7. Try to reflect what your spouse has said to you to eliminate confusion and miscommunication

8. Hold hands while talking about a sensitive subject, this reminds you of love and not conflict.

9. Do not forget that you LOVE each other therefore speak to each other with kindness and love even if you are disagreeing

10. Treat your spouse as you would like to be treated yourself when you have done something wrong.

Use the ones that work and try to keep to at least a few of them to start in your conflicts. It will make things a lot easier!